I experience Impostor Syndrome a lot. (Here's an article describing what Impostor Syndrome is, just in case you didn't feel like opening a new tab and Googling it.) As I type this, I'm wondering whether or not I even qualify, because I'm afraid acknowledging it implies my belief in my accomplishments. Which is exhausting.
Typically, I'm caught in an over-arcing whirlwind of 1) feeling like I'm doing too much and 2) feeling like I'm not doing enough. Basically, if I'm not overwhelmed with stress, then I feel under accomplished.
Lately, I've been feeling this especially when it comes to the world of theatre. Technically speaking, I'm still very green. I've only been doing theatre outside of high school since mid-2015; my degree is in music, and even then, is not a performance-based degree; my credentials are built off of lucky chances and self-driven research when it comes to theatre. Every day, I am grateful for the opportunities given to me. But every day, I'm also internally doubting whether or not I should be working on the things I'm working on and whether or not I should be pursuing something else or picking up a new gig or going back to school or...[more work ad infinitum]
This is something that's very tough for me. Culturally, I'm a young Asian American woman of color. Mentally, I'm still exploring/figuring out what's really in my brain in terms of depression/anxiety/OCD. Feeling like I'm not enough in every aspect is very, very familiar to me. To combat this, I use a fairly simple tactic; I fake it until I make it.
I pretend I'm confident. I pretend I'm sociable. I pretend I think I'm interesting. I pretend I feel like I belong.
So far, I think this has been okay. And I know for a fact that everyone has insecurities. I know for a fact that I've made real connections and I've accomplished real things. It's still an every day obstacle to make an effort to pretend that I'm 100% secure.
I also know that I'm secure enough to admit insecurity. And, I guess that's a good trait.